Taking a very unscheduled break from work, apologies

TLDR: I need to take a break from work due to severe burnout, accompanied by intense anxiety and panic attacks. I’m also very sorry for being so unresponsive :(

Hi team,

I apologise to write this so late, but I’ve been dreading it since the last panic attack I had when I sat down to write this. They’re not something I’m used to, and I’m still coming to terms that my egotistical ass is going through this.

The past few weeks (months, if I’m being completely honest to myself) have just been me walking on a blade, trying to control my life, productivity and expectations. I can’t really stress how sorry I am, to have been dragging this for so long, where I should have recognised the symptoms and posted this sooner. There’s definitely an element of ego and denial in that. :(

BTW, some psychotherapy, physical exercise, hobby projects, and occasional vacations did help me be able to get on track, but the anxiety and depression always returned quickly due to any small stressor. This has bascially resulted in a paradox where I’ve just been shitty at work for a while, but also be fully occupied by it all my waking time.

Specifically focusing on work, this had been leading to way too many missed pings, unresponded emails, and in worst cases, spillovers. For the past few sprints, I’m sure many of you have noticed me lagging on work, emails, and barely finishing it in time with short bursts of forced productivity. It’s only now that I’ve been able to accept that this isn’t going to get better without a more dedicated effort to resolving this.

I had a call with Xavier on the past Thursday, intending to write+send this out at that time, but haven’t been able to do that till today. I am also increasingly more cognizant of the fact that a lot of my team has to bear the brunt of this.

Apologising specifically to @pooja, @adolfo, @tikr and @jvdm for committing to tasks of theirs that I should not have even picked up.

I’m hoping to be able to use the rest of this week getting things to a better state, either towards completion, or a handoff. I’m planning to be more attentive to emails in this week, and complete things ASAP, after which, I’ll be taking a 4-sprint (2 month) break, to be able to regoup, and get my mental health back. I am pretty hopeful, to be honest, as I’m lucky enough to have a good support system, which also includes this team.

Again, I really apologise for doing this at such a time. But I’d also like to just reaffirm as many have before me, that how very glad I am to be able to post this honestly, and have examples to look up to, regardless of how this ends up for me. I’ll open up a review thread for myself (or feel free to create one) in the future, if needed - I’m also completely okay if it doesn’t make sense for me to come back. In any case, I’ll try to keep this thread updated :)


Also, I’ve been doing a bad job of showing Serenity’s latest newcomer, @jvdm around - will anyone be able to take this on instead? :|

Sorry to hear that, Sid :-/ Sounds really awful. Thanks for letting us know what’s going on - I know it’s not easy to talk about with the team.

Glad to hear you have a good support network and know what you need to recover. I hope that the time off, therapy, exercise, etc. will really help and that you can find a better balance when you’re back.

Yeah, that’s tough, and I can relate to that thinking. But this kind of stuff can really happen to anyone, and is no reflection on you in any way.

1 Like

@sid Thank you for posting this – and as discussed last week, kudos for recognizing this and taking the necessary steps to address it. Many of us have had to go through burn outs at times, and it takes a lot of courage to recognize it, and do something about it. Gladly, you are doing that - and the way you are addressing it should likely help taking care of it. And also, going through it now will help you in the future – especially, to help recognize the signs ahead of time, which can allow to address them before actually getting to the burn out itself.

In the meantime, thanks for handling this, for completing and handing over your current tasks – then hopefully you will be able to enjoy the time off, taking care of yourself, and appreciating life! :slight_smile:

1 Like

Sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time @sid. Take care and relax during your time off. We’ll be looking forward to having you back after your recuperate!

1 Like

Take it easy @sid, and get well soon :slight_smile:

Thanks for letting us know, @sid and get better soon! Focus on healing and if you’re up for it, let us know what you learn in the process.

Sorry to hear that @sid. That’s something some of us have experienced during those two last years at least. It’s at the same time concerning and a good thing to know that it happens to many people because it also means that everybody can recover from this state and I am pretty sure you will overcome it too.

Take your time, take care of yourself, don’t worry about us, we will still be here even after 2 months. :slight_smile:

:love_letter: :love_you_gesture: :muscle:

@sid Thanks for sharing and being open about this. Wishing you the best for the coming weeks! We’re all here rooting for you :slight_smile:

@sid, having recently gone through this myself, I can say with reasonable confidence that I understand the problem. Some time off to tackle personal issues without having to worry about work is the right call.

Cheers to a speedy recovery. (And I’ll miss you as my Libraries v2 buddy, in the meantime!)

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time @sid! I hope the break helps you feel better soon. Sending you good vibes :slight_smile:

Thank you for taking this step to look after yourself, @sid! Wishing you all the best, and come back when you’re ready.

Hi again,

Thanks for all the kind words and the how supportive everyone has been during this.

Unfortunately, I feel that I have to leave Opencraft as I evidently pulled the brakes on the recovery too early, causing a bad relapse to happen. In hindsight, targeting an X amount of time to resolve/learn to live with anxiety and depression might not have been a good idea for me.

I’ve already emailed @antoviaque about this, who’d start the offboarding process soon.

I’ll start focusing on wrapping up pending work (if you do feel like there’s something that’s been left, please do assign it - I have current assigned tasks and a VPN documentation in my queue right now)

I am quite bummed to write this post, was really hoping to be back for good. Also, apologies for all the missed pings that might’ve happened in the last few days - expecting to be much more responsive during the following days :)


Sorry to hear that @sid :frowning:
It was a pleasure working with you before the cell split.
Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors!

Please take good care of yourself @sid.
I really wish you the best for the next things :blush:

We’ll miss you, @sid . I enjoyed the time I got to spend working with you. Good luck on your next venture!

Sorry to hear this @sid. But I agree – setting a timeline on mental health recovery is basically impossible. Thank you for taking care of you, and we will miss you!

You’re always welcome if you decide to come back.

1 Like

That’s bad news @sid! It was a pleasure working with you. Take care and best of luck with what’s next.

So sorry to hear that @sid! I hope you come out of this stronger. It was a pleasure working with you. We’ll miss you. Take care and good luck with whatever you pursue next.